


Underwater (breathing fine)

by SophieRosina



Series: You're Crazy (and i'm out of my mind) [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Does It Count As Major Character Death When The, Episode: s02e23 Unthinkable, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Is Involved?, Lazarus Pit, Season/Series 02 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 00:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4725929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieRosina/pseuds/SophieRosina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He’s gone. And none of them even know.”<br/>“I know... I know.”</p><p>The fourth in a series of related drabbles set during 2x23, but spirals in its own direction following the scene in Queen Consolidated where Felicity says to Oliver, "You told me you had a choice." Inspired by John Legend's 'All Of Me'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Underwater (breathing fine)

_My head’s underwater,_

_but I’m breathing fine._

All Of Me - John Legend

 

“Felicity?”

“Felicity.”

“Felicity!”

She opened her eyes, met Diggle’s worried gaze.

“We’re here.”

Felicity sighed. Nodded. Took Diggle’s hand as she climbed out the car on shaking legs.

“Okay?”

“No,” she whispered, pulling nervously at the hem of her black blazer.

Diggle entwined his fingers with hers and squeezed gently.

“Me either.”

If the walk to the entrance felt like miles, the few steps leading up to the booth they would be sitting in felt like light-years. She could feel eyes upon her, knew her dark outfit clashed with the cheery yellow and red of the diner, but couldn’t bring herself to care.

After all, as far as the rest of the world were concerned, Oliver Queen had taken some time out away from the city with his sister to recuperate from all they had lost, not been murdered by the man he once considered a brother.

In the moments she let herself think about it, Felicity found herself more confused by it all, unable to comprehend how it had happened. It felt like she was floating above it all, like a bird flying over a stormy ocean, able to see the havoc caused by reality’s crashing waves, but unable to fully understand it.

One minute he’d been there, kissing her, loving her, and the next…

“He’s gone. And none of them even know.”

“I know,” Diggle replied. “I know.”

“Felicity?”

She looked up and saw Laurel standing by the booth with her father, both of them dressed in black attire, just like her and John.

“Oh…” Laurel’s eyes welled, and she took a step forward, wrapping her arms around Felicity, who simply stood there, numb. “I’m so sorry.”

Laurel continued to speak, but Felicity couldn’t hear her.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” she mumbled.

Without waiting for a response, she quickly walked towards the restrooms, suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of freshly cooking burger patties and greasy fries that used to signal downtime with _him_.

This was a bad idea.

She barely managed to close the door behind her before falling to her knees and retching over the toilet, bile burning her throat as her stomach clenched painfully around nothing. She hadn’t eaten since… she couldn’t remember when, but once the dry heaving stopped, she let herself slump sideways until her head rested against the wall, suddenly exhausted.

She’d tried to remain calm, to put on a happy mask, pretend all was okay, but today… Well, today it was just too hard. She _missed_ him, missed their banter, missed those rare smiles that would light up his entire face, the way he would say her name…

Being around the people that once made up Team Arrow made the absence of him in her life even more painful, but while Roy and Diggle had still tried to be there for her, Sara had withdrawn to Nanda Parbat, and that made her feel even worse, somehow, like maybe Sara blamed her for the way things had played out that night. Maybe she should have turned herself over to Slade after all…

But that would be an insult to his memory, wouldn’t it? It would be cruel to reduce Oliver’s sacrifice to nothing more than an avoidable mishap. She couldn’t let herself dishonor his memory by thinking that way.

So she got to her feet. She splashed some water on her face. She took a deep breath. And she faced her new reality.


End file.
